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Editorial: Staying home with kids reaps rewards
By Kay Thibodeaux
Friday, May 14, 2004

My first-born daughter graduated from college on May 8. She's a wonderful young lady who graduated with a degree in biology and will be headed to Evanston, Ill., next year to complete a one-year internship in nuclear medicine. She has a wonderful future ahead of her.
It was difficult watching her accept her diploma. I'd been in a "funk" of sorts in the weeks prior to her "big day." (Of course, my hubby just says it was PMS. Everything these days can be attributed to PMS, can't it ladies?)

When this daughter was a baby, I worked full time. My income was good, the benefits were better, and I didn't mind taking her to day care every day until she entered school. I was becoming a successful career woman and it was an identity I thoroughly enjoyed.

When my last child was born, almost eight years ago, I had a wonderful, high-paying position with a company where I felt appreciated and recognized for my efforts. I worked 50-60 hours per week during the first two years of her life. I missed most of the important stuff � her first steps, her first words, her first vegetables! But, I was a successful career woman and thought I was getting everything I needed from my j-o-b.

Then we moved from Texas to Savage. At that point, we made a family decision that I would not work outside the home. It was a scary decision for me. I was used to having two incomes to spend on a monthly basis. I was used to having my own individuality � not just the identity of being a wife and mother.

Making the decision to become a stay-at-home mom was the best thing I could have ever done � for myself and for my children. With a teenager and a 3-year-old to care for, my hands were full without having to answer to a boss! Softball games, dance lessons, piano lessons, swim lessons, recitals and the like kept me more than busy. (Did I mention that I was supposed to be a stay-at-home mom? Why is it that stay-at-home moms are hardly ever home? There seems to be more than a little irony in the terminology. Maybe we should just be called on-the-go moms!) I was also there to bandage the scrapes and bruises, wipe away the tears caused by "that boy," and help my youngest learn to read before kindergarten. I remember how comforting it was to have my mom around to do those things for me when I was growing up � it feels good to provide that comfort to my children now. It would be impossible if I were working full time outside the home.

A lot of moms (and dads) today feel that they can't afford their lifestyle if only one of them is employed outside the home. That's simply not true. By the time you pay for child care (if your children are under school age), or preschool or after-school care, you are probably working for less than minimum wage! You are also giving up the most important thing of all � your relationship with your children!

Think of all the things you get in return for staying at home: giggles under the cover every night, butterfly kisses, an excuse to do all the finger painting, pumpkin carving and cartoon watching that you want. You have the privilege of holding that tiny hand, even if it is covered with peanut butter and jelly. You see glimpses of God every day in your children's faces and behaviors.

I was touched by my eldest's quote in her softball "Senior Salute." She said, "I feel that we have grown closer now, even though I live farther from you." Unfortunately, that's also a sad commentary on the fact that I wasn't a stay-at-home mom her entire life. There were things that I missed that made it difficult for us to be as close as I would have liked. Those are the things I refuse to miss with my youngest daughter.

You DO have a choice to be a stay-at-home mom. If there is a monetary issue, you find a way to work from home. There are wonderful direct sales companies out there (home-party plan companies) that allow you to work around your children's schedules. I do it every day now and make good money at it! You don't have to miss another one of your children's events (even if they're playing college softball). You'll be a better person for it, and your children will, too. You'll receive rewards beyond anything ever received in the business world � you will have your children's love, respect and trust. I highly recommend the job of Chief Home Officer (CHO) over any job ever held in the corporate marketplace!

If this is an issue you've been thinking about, or struggling with, check out the following resources: Professionalizing Motherhood by Jill Savage and Becoming a Chief Home Officer by Allie Pleiter. Both books are available through www.hearts-at-home.org.

(Kay Thibodeaux is one of about a dozen people in the Savage community who write for Community Voices. This column features a different writer each week and is one of several opinion and commentary pieces appearing regularly in this newspaper.)

Reprinted with permission of the Savage Pacer
http://www.savagepacer.com